Slutty Stormtroopers

So… My friends and I went to go watch the new Star Wars movie on opening day. Let me just be honest with you, I’m not a huge Star Wars fan. Don’t get me wrong. I love the franchise and I’ve seen the movies a ton of times. When I lived in Ohio and had no friends, Star Wars was a life line. “Any big plans for the weekend?” “Oh yeah… Totally got asked out on a hot date, but decided to be a rebel and just go solo this weekend. So I’m forcing my friends, Luke and Leia to come have drinks with me. We’re gonna have dinner at… at… the ‘Mos Eisley Cantina’ on Tattooine Street. They have this super cool bartender there. His name’s Jesús, but everyone calls him Chuy. Then we might go out for some boba after. Who knows… What about you?” Translation. I’m gonna lock myself in my room with 2 boxes of pizza and watch all 6 Star Wars movies in a row with no pants on… AND if I’m feeling particularly crazy, I might even rewatch Firefly with commentary. Sexy… I know.

But back to my point, despite loving the movies, I still wouldn’t consider myself a huge Star Wars fan. Maybe just because I’ve met so many legitimate Star Wars fans that in comparison, I’m just a mere enthusiast. But with the new movie out now, it seems like Star Wars fanatics are a dime a dozen. Everyone and their mom’s are suddenly “mega fans” that “LOVE” Star Wars #nerdalert. But I digress…

So my friends and I were planning to go see the movie on Friday night and to coordinate everything, we were messaging each other through a group text. That morning, one of my friends sent a message saying, “Hey guys, so we are totally dressing up tonight right?” As none of us were particularly hard core fans, it was obvious that he was joking. So I quickly googled “storm trooper selfie” on my phone and tried to find a decent picture.


Well… Darth and I haven’t hung out in a while so this wouldn’t be very believable. NEXT

sts3 (2)

YES yes yes yes yes yes! But no… I’m not white. Too obvious. Dang it! NEXT


Ahh now this one is juuuuust right. It’s obviously a female. Pretty nondescript background. Could be anyone. Could be anywhere. Could totally be me!

IMG_9726 (2)



As I hit send, I laughed to myself thinking, “Oh my gosh… they’re gonna laugh so hard. This is so funny”

30 seconds passed. No response.

Hmm should I have said “lol jk”? Nahh… they definitely know this is a joke.

2 minutes passed. No response

They know it’s a joke right? Like obviously I would never buy a stormtrooper costume, let alone wear it out in public on a day that’s not Halloween. I don’t even dress up for comic-con.

5 minutes passed. No response.

Holy crap. I don’t think they got the joke. They probably think that’s an actual picture I took of mySELF!

10 minutes passed.


To which I had to explain that I got this picture off of google images and it was a joke. A JOKE PEOPLE

When we met up at the theater for the movie I brought it up again…

K: So you guys really thought I was gonna come dressed up in a slutty storm trooper costume?

D: No lie, I was about to go to the mall to pick something up, I was panicking.

M: For a second there I was like “Damn I need to hurry and buy a costume”

E: I was trying to think of what I could come up with at my house, thinking I could just put a sheet over me or do Leia buns, but my hair isn’t long enough. I was like “WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME??”

K: I mean like good on you guys for trying to rally and dress up with me. You guys are good friends. But SERIOUSLY I’m not that big of a nerd! I can be normal…

D: Yeah… I should’ve known it was a joke when you said “slutty stormtrooper costume”

K: Oh so slutty is the unbelievable part of that sentence? Not STORMTROOPER?


So that’s what my friends think of me… huh, they’re actually pretty accurate.



P.S. Let me set the record straight. I have nothing against people who dress up for Star Wars. Go ahead. Let yo freak flag fly! But Star Wars just isn’t my flag! (trust me, I have many other freak flags, but that’s another story for another time)


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Nicole says:

    I’m now very interested in these other freak flags


  2. Nicole says:

    Also first photo I was like those are not your boobs lol


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