So… I worked out today. I know! I’ve been making strides since my first “attempt” at exercise (aka buying tickets to the cookie con). But this time I actually went to the gym and actually did some physical activity. Speaking of which, I actually joined a gym. I am now a proud member of 24 Hour Fitness. Before you get all riled up on which gym I should have joined, the reason why I joined 24 Hour is because there’s a gym right next to my house and it has a pool. It’s not that serious.
So when my my boss inevitably asked me once again, “Did you work out today?”, I was finally able to answer a proud big ol’ stinkin’, “YES.” It felt pretty good actually. Well, if you ignore the fact I was exhausted and my body was very very upset with me. Halfway through the morning I was literally falling asleep in my chair. My mind was just mush. I’m pretty sure I spent a good hour just staring at the computer screen taking extremely long blinks. Ugh I couldn’t lift my arms and I cried a little every time I had to squat down to pee. Not to mention my back was killing me. So I bent over in my chair to try and stretch out my back and arms and with my face buried in my skirt, I mumbled over to my boss, “You see! This is why I don’t work out. It just causes me pain. I feel like God is saying no. Like a hard no!” She laughed and said, “You know, I’m so proud of you for working out today! You finally did it!” I sat back up in my chair and sighed, “Well actually, my intentions aren’t that noble. The only reason why I started going to the gym is because I’m training for a race.” She squinted her eyes at me and said, “What now? Oh Katrina you and your shenanigans. What is it this time?”
Flash back to about a week ago at Bachelor night with my fantasy league. I was telling them that I was thinking of joining 24 Hour Fitness because it had a pool. My friend Daniel looked over at me and said, “You swim??” with so much surprise in his tone–which I did not appreciate by the way. I thought, “Uh yeah I swim. Why would you think otherwise? Huh? Is it because I’m fat?? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT FAT FLOATS!” But instead I said, “Well yeah, swimming used to be my exercise of choice in college. I used to swim laps in the mornings before class”
D: Did you take lessons at the Y?
D: Well how far’d you get??
K: Uh I got as far as putting my head under the water and blowing bubbles. Haha I dunno I didn’t take lessons for very long
D: Oh… You’re just a guppy
K: A GUPPY?? Just because I didn’t take lessons at the Y for how many years, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to swim!
D: Yeah, well I got pretty far, so I’m sure I could swim circles around you
K: Oh please, just because I taught myself how to swim doesn’t mean that I don’t swim well. I’m a damn good swimmer
D: Whatever, I bet I could swim faster than you
K: Fine, bring it on!
D: What? You wanna race?
K: Bring it
D: Alright! When and where??
And this is when my brain decides to kick in and I think to myself “Girl, you haven’t actually swam in about 4 years, are you stupid?” But it was too late now. I had already talked so much smack, I couldn’t back out now. So I just kept going… unfortunately
K: Just give me a time and place bro
D: Alright next week. We can go to the gym.
K: Wait… I’m not actually a member at a gym just yet
D: Didn’t you just say you were gonna join 24 Hour Fitness?
D: Let’s do it there then
K: Wait, but I haven’t swam in a few years. I need some time to train. I don’t think you understand how out of shape I am. I don’t think I’ve even exercised in like a year!
I’m kinda starting to backtrack a little. But let’s be honest, I’d lose for sure in a week.
D: Alright how much time do you need?
K: Ummm how about like 6 months…
D: SIX MONTHS??? That’s ridiculous
K: Come on! I’m so out of shape! And you’ve been training for a marathon! That’s not fair! What? Are you afraid you’re gonna lose to a girl that hasn’t exercised in a year??
D: 3 months
K: 4 months at least
D: June, but the beginning of June
K: Wait wait wait what is this for anyways? What do we get if we win?
D: If I win, you have to do an abridged re-enactment of the first Harry Potter book with accents and costume changes and everything, in a public place.
K: Ummmm… That’s oddly specific… How long have you been holding on to that one?
D: Whatever it’s hilarious. I can just imagine you waving your wand around and chanting spells while strangers laugh at you.
K: Fine! But if I win, you have to perform the whole “Single Ladies” music video at the mall, decked in a leotard and high heels.
We continued to negotiate and finally ended up with a deal we could both agree on. The race was set for June 30th. 5 laps (back and forth, 250 yards total). I get a ½ lap handicap, so I only have to do 225 yards total. If he wins, I’m doing Harry Potter. If I win, he’s doing Beyonce.
D: Awesome, I’m going to the gym tonight.
K: Wait that’s not fair! I haven’t even joined the gym yet!
D: That sounds like a personal problem…
So I started doing some exercises at home, but haven’t actually had time to even go to the gym til this morning. So today, was my first time actually in the pool. I thought it’d be somewhat rough, but I’d just kinda ease back into it, no big deal. It was a BIG DEAL. I did one lap and I almost died. My body was shaking. I couldn’t breathe. Oh my gosh! I’m gonna lose! I’m gonna have to perform Harry Potter in the middle of the Americana!! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I told my mom that I joined a gym and after she picked her jaw up off the floor she said, “What?? You joined a gym? Why?” “Yeah… well Daniel challenged me to a swimming race” “You what? But you haven’t swam in like forever” “But mom!! He called me a guppy!”
In college, I met this girl who was a fitness minor and she told me that she was taking a class for personal training. In this class each student has to adopt a trainee, come up with a fitness plan, and work with them throughout the semester. I told her that I was looking to get in shape and start exercising more, so she suggested that we join forces and help each other out. So we met up one day to start our training session. To start off she said, “Okay we’re gonna start off easy since it’s our first session. We’re just gonna run a loop around the campus” Ummm okay? Isn’t that like a mile though. I think she thinks I’m more fit than I actually am… Then she went on to say, “However, we’re not just gonna straight run it. We’re gonna do some interval training. So I want you to sprint for 10 seconds, then jog for 10 seconds. Then sprint for 30 seconds, then jog for 30 seconds. Then sprint for 1 minute, then jog for 1 minute. Then go back down. Sprint 30. Jog 30. Sprint 10. Jog 10” So we headed off and halfway through my first 10 second sprint, my body started to give up on me. I was dying. This girl was a soccer player so she could run in her sleep. She was slender and tall, with legs for days. She was like a gazelle, running circles around me with ease. So here I was… pounding the pavement, wanting to kill myself with every single step. She ran up ahead and turned around to run backwards in front of me and called out “Okay so now we’re gonna sprint for 30 seconds!” But my sprint was just as fast as my jog… which was just as fast as her walk. She yelled again “Now we’re sprinting!” Nope. Not listening… Busy dying here… Noticing my speed hadn’t changed at all, she repeated herself a third time, “Sprinting Katrina!” “I AM SPRINTING!” I snapped back. But I was literally just crawling across the pavement while bouncing my shoulders up and down to make it look like I was running. Which really fooled no one, but I just kept doing it because it personally made me feel better about myself. So by the time I hit the 1 minute sprint, I was yelling profanities at her, cursing her family, and doling out death threats. She was a great sport about it though because she just kept on running (well more like walking for her) along side me the entire time, attempting to motivate and encourage me to keep going. “Come on girl, you got this! Just keep running!” To which I responded, “No I do NOT have this. I hate you. I wish you would die. If I die today, my blood is on your hands you sick sick sadist”
This girl and I had literally just met like 1 week before this. She was a very sweet girl. Very nice, quiet, and conservative. In normal circumstances, if I was not under duress, I would never have dared say half of the things that I said to her that afternoon. But my body was in full on panic mode and since apparently I was incapable of “flight” it decided to full on “fight”. Surprisingly enough, this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship and we’ve been friends ever since. She eventually asked me to be in her wedding, we moved to Ohio together, and I just met her newborn baby boy a few months ago! Yeahhh… This is how I make friends. Unconventional, but hey it’s effective! This is also probably why I shouldn’t be allowed in public.
So as I crawled to the finish line and passed out on the lawn in front of my dorm, she walked over and looked down at me. Standing over me without a single hint of exhaustion, she smiled and said, “So… I’m guessing you’re not a runner?” “I mean… I know it’s hard to believe because I hid it so well and all, buuut I HATE IT” She laughed and said “So what do you like to do?” “Swimming please” She perked up and said, “Perfect! I’m a lifeguard at the pool! Meet me there tomorrow at 6 am!”
The next day at the pool, she started us off with a couple of laps just to see where I was at. So we swam a few laps together and stopped. Then I looked over and said, “Okay. Now what?” And there she was, hunched over, gasping for air, and looking how I probably looked the day before. I laughed and said, “So I’m guessing you’re not a swimmer?” “Not at all! I’m a runner! But I guess we found what we’re gonna be doing for the rest of the semester!”
Swimming is the one exercise that I can think of (besides outdoor activities and sports) that I don’t absolutely despise. So this is the perfect thing to get me into the gym. 1) An activity that I don’t hate, 2) A challenge, and 3) This…
So root for me, pray for me, and if you see Daniel Lee, feed him pizza, ‘cause I’ve got a race to win!